Deprimida / Depressed

Ahora estoy un poco deprimida con respecto a mi progreso en español. Me siento como si no voy a hablar en forma fluida nunca. No tengo gente con quienes puedo hablar español en persona. Mi grupo Meetup ha dejado de reunirse. Solo hablo uno o dos veces a la semana, así que cuando por fin hablo en español no me siento comoda para nada. Tengo que esforzarme mucho. Demasiado. ¿Por qué quiero aprender español?

--------------------------------
And here is what I really wanted to say, in English.

I´m a little depressed with respect to my Spanish. I feel like I´m never going to speak fluently in Spanish. I don´t have people here that I can speak with. My Meetup group seems to have stopped meeting. I only talk in Spanish once or twice a week, so of course when I finally speak, it feels awkward. All of this makes me wonder, if I don´t have people locally that I can speak with, and I´m not doing it for my job, and it´s all so much of a struggle, why do I really want to learn Spanish so badly? What is the point?