No longer discouraged, and a couple videos

I am no longer depressed, yay! I recently talked with Steve Kaufmann about feeling that I'm not progressing with my Spanish, and he had an interesting perspective. I am very results driven, so at times it is very difficult to just enjoy where you are right now. I want to be fluent, for goodness' sake. Why would I enjoy my current state of nonfluentness? But it's really true, especially for goals that take quite awhile to achieve, that enjoying the process is crucial to staying on the path to your goal. So here's what I currently enjoy about studying Spanish:

• I am getting exposed to and learning lots about different cultures
• Through Skype, I have met many wonderful, friendly, encouraging, funny, crazy, smart people who are either studying Spanish as well, or are native speakers. If I were to meet any of these people in person, I would want to give them a big hug.
• I can talk in Spanish! I always want to qualify that statement by saying "although I'm not at the level I want to be", but I need to recognize that 2 years ago, I was no where near where I am now. My first conversation with a LingQ tutor was in November of 2009. January 29, 2010 I had the failure of a conversation where I tried to tell Berta about "The Telltale Heart" in Spanish, then had the nerve to put the conversation on Youtube (although I did eventually have the good sense to remove the video). Now, although I feel shy at times, and don't say a lot, I can express my thoughts with more fluency.
• I can write in Spanish easily.
• I can talk with my husband in Spanish (no, he does not understand me, but he thinks it's sexy, and that's all I will say about that).
• I am believing in myself. I've always been one to jump from interest to interest, trying new things, but never finishing anything. To know that I can keep with something makes me proud of myself.

Also, it's been a few months, so I decided (with a little bit of prompting) to make another video speaking in Spanish. In the first one I talk about my progress in Spanish, and how I feel about my speaking. In the second video I talk about my health and losing weight. I am a little less fluent in the second video because it's a subject that I don't talk about in Spanish, but I still am satisfied with my progress.

Deprimida / Depressed

Ahora estoy un poco deprimida con respecto a mi progreso en español. Me siento como si no voy a hablar en forma fluida nunca. No tengo gente con quienes puedo hablar español en persona. Mi grupo Meetup ha dejado de reunirse. Solo hablo uno o dos veces a la semana, así que cuando por fin hablo en español no me siento comoda para nada. Tengo que esforzarme mucho. Demasiado. ¿Por qué quiero aprender español?

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And here is what I really wanted to say, in English.

I´m a little depressed with respect to my Spanish. I feel like I´m never going to speak fluently in Spanish. I don´t have people here that I can speak with. My Meetup group seems to have stopped meeting. I only talk in Spanish once or twice a week, so of course when I finally speak, it feels awkward. All of this makes me wonder, if I don´t have people locally that I can speak with, and I´m not doing it for my job, and it´s all so much of a struggle, why do I really want to learn Spanish so badly? What is the point?

Speaking in Spanish about my progress and 2011 Spanish Goals

Besos y Abrazos / Hugs and Kisses

An essay I recently wrote and like. My loose translation follows (how I would have written this in English). The original text had 12 errors.

Me he dado cuenta de que los saludos de los hispanohablantes son distintos de los que estoy acostumbrada. Desde niña, las únicas personas con quienes me siento cómoda abrazar son mi familia. Tengo un par de amigas que abrazo cuando no las he visto desde hace tiempo, pero aparte de estas personas, no hay más. Cuando era chica, los adultos en la iglesia me querían abrazar y besar, pero no me gustaba nada. Hoy en día suelo darme la mano con alguien al verlo, o solo digo hola. Los abrazos no forman parte de mis saludos.

Últimamente estoy en busca de hispanohablantes donde vivo con quienes pueda conversar y alternar. Hace unos pocos meses encontré un grupo Meetup de latinos donde vivo. Nos hemos reunido tres veces. La primera vez me sentí cómoda. Conocí a gente muy amable. Sin embargo la segunda vez fue algo distinto. ¡Me querían besar! Fue algo desconcertante para mí. No tenía ni idea de como me debía comportar. ¿Debe ser solo un beso cerca de su mejilla o debo realmente besar su mejilla? ¿Necesito besar ambas mejillas o solo una? ¿Beso a las mujeres y a los hombres? Esos fueron los pensamientos estúpidos que cruzaron mi mente. Me sentí muy incómoda.

Ahora me he acostumbrado a la idea de abrazar e incluso besar a la gente. Con algunos hispanohablantes con los que me escribo termino la carta con ¨un abrazo¨ o ¨un beso¨, aunque tal vez me atrevo porque es una carta. La última reunión con los latinos estuve aún más cómoda. Incluso tomé la iniciativa y di algunos abrazos. Decidí que no lo detesto, y a veces me gusta. ¡Imagínate!

¡Un beso!

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I've recently realized that the greetings of Spanish speakers are very different from what I'm accustomed to. Since I was a child, the only people I feel comfortable hugging are my family. I also have a couple friends who I hug when I haven't seen them in awhile, but that's it. When I was young the adults at church wanted to hug me, but I didn't like that at all. Nowadays, I usually shake someone's hand to greet them or just say hello. I don't "do" hugs.

Lately I've been looking for Spanish speakers locally who I can talk with face to face. A few months ago I found a Meetup group where I live. We've met three times. The first time I felt comfortable. I met some very nice people. The second time was a little different, though. They wanted to kiss me! It was very uncomfortable for me. I didn't have a clue as to how I should act. Will they be just "air kisses" or should I actually kiss the cheek? Do I need to kiss both cheeks or only one? Do I kiss the ladies AND the guys? Those were the stupid thoughts running through my mind. I felt extremely uncomfortable.

Now I've become a little more comfortable with the idea of hugging and even kissing people. With some Spanish speakers who I email, I even end the note with "un abrazo" or "un beso", although maybe I dare to do that because it's a letter. The last meeting with the Latinos I was even more comfortable. I even took the initiative and gave a few hugs. I decided that I don't hate it, and sometimes I even like it. Imagine that!

¡Un beso!