Deprimida / Depressed

Ahora estoy un poco deprimida con respecto a mi progreso en español. Me siento como si no voy a hablar en forma fluida nunca. No tengo gente con quienes puedo hablar español en persona. Mi grupo Meetup ha dejado de reunirse. Solo hablo uno o dos veces a la semana, así que cuando por fin hablo en español no me siento comoda para nada. Tengo que esforzarme mucho. Demasiado. ¿Por qué quiero aprender español?

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And here is what I really wanted to say, in English.

I´m a little depressed with respect to my Spanish. I feel like I´m never going to speak fluently in Spanish. I don´t have people here that I can speak with. My Meetup group seems to have stopped meeting. I only talk in Spanish once or twice a week, so of course when I finally speak, it feels awkward. All of this makes me wonder, if I don´t have people locally that I can speak with, and I´m not doing it for my job, and it´s all so much of a struggle, why do I really want to learn Spanish so badly? What is the point?

Speaking in Spanish about my progress and 2011 Spanish Goals

Besos y Abrazos / Hugs and Kisses

An essay I recently wrote and like. My loose translation follows (how I would have written this in English). The original text had 12 errors.

Me he dado cuenta de que los saludos de los hispanohablantes son distintos de los que estoy acostumbrada. Desde niña, las únicas personas con quienes me siento cómoda abrazar son mi familia. Tengo un par de amigas que abrazo cuando no las he visto desde hace tiempo, pero aparte de estas personas, no hay más. Cuando era chica, los adultos en la iglesia me querían abrazar y besar, pero no me gustaba nada. Hoy en día suelo darme la mano con alguien al verlo, o solo digo hola. Los abrazos no forman parte de mis saludos.

Últimamente estoy en busca de hispanohablantes donde vivo con quienes pueda conversar y alternar. Hace unos pocos meses encontré un grupo Meetup de latinos donde vivo. Nos hemos reunido tres veces. La primera vez me sentí cómoda. Conocí a gente muy amable. Sin embargo la segunda vez fue algo distinto. ¡Me querían besar! Fue algo desconcertante para mí. No tenía ni idea de como me debía comportar. ¿Debe ser solo un beso cerca de su mejilla o debo realmente besar su mejilla? ¿Necesito besar ambas mejillas o solo una? ¿Beso a las mujeres y a los hombres? Esos fueron los pensamientos estúpidos que cruzaron mi mente. Me sentí muy incómoda.

Ahora me he acostumbrado a la idea de abrazar e incluso besar a la gente. Con algunos hispanohablantes con los que me escribo termino la carta con ¨un abrazo¨ o ¨un beso¨, aunque tal vez me atrevo porque es una carta. La última reunión con los latinos estuve aún más cómoda. Incluso tomé la iniciativa y di algunos abrazos. Decidí que no lo detesto, y a veces me gusta. ¡Imagínate!

¡Un beso!

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I've recently realized that the greetings of Spanish speakers are very different from what I'm accustomed to. Since I was a child, the only people I feel comfortable hugging are my family. I also have a couple friends who I hug when I haven't seen them in awhile, but that's it. When I was young the adults at church wanted to hug me, but I didn't like that at all. Nowadays, I usually shake someone's hand to greet them or just say hello. I don't "do" hugs.

Lately I've been looking for Spanish speakers locally who I can talk with face to face. A few months ago I found a Meetup group where I live. We've met three times. The first time I felt comfortable. I met some very nice people. The second time was a little different, though. They wanted to kiss me! It was very uncomfortable for me. I didn't have a clue as to how I should act. Will they be just "air kisses" or should I actually kiss the cheek? Do I need to kiss both cheeks or only one? Do I kiss the ladies AND the guys? Those were the stupid thoughts running through my mind. I felt extremely uncomfortable.

Now I've become a little more comfortable with the idea of hugging and even kissing people. With some Spanish speakers who I email, I even end the note with "un abrazo" or "un beso", although maybe I dare to do that because it's a letter. The last meeting with the Latinos I was even more comfortable. I even took the initiative and gave a few hugs. I decided that I don't hate it, and sometimes I even like it. Imagine that!

¡Un beso!

¿Intuición Materna?

Aquí hay un escrito que escribí hace unos meses que me gusta. Es una historia verdadera.

Últimamente, he estado un poco estresada a causa de mi trabajo. Esta mañana, desperté a las 4 de la madrugada. Decidí que ya que estaba despierta, haría un poco de trabajo. Fui al baño, y luego tomé un vaso de agua. Estaba a punto de sentarme en el sofá con el laptop cuando, por alguna razón, fui a vigilar a mi niña. Ella estaba durmiendo en la cama de su cuarto. Buscaba a mi alrededor por solo unos segundos cuando, de repente, se estiró. Me acerqué a su cama, y se cayó de la cama. Estaba al lado de la cama, así que la agarré, antes de que pudiera chocar con el suelo. La devolví a la cama. Ella no se despertó en absoluto. Yo estaba tan asombrada y asustada que solo pude estar de pie y verla por unos minutos. ¿Por qué decidí vigilar a mi niña en ese momento exacto?

Nota: Cuando lo escribí, me sentía muy poderosa como madre. ¡Soy vidente! ¡Puedo protegerla! Sin embargo, mi hijita ha caído de la cama unas veces despues de este escrito sin ningún daño.

I can't speak

Last night I went to a Mexican restaurant before going to the movies with a friend. My friend immediately talks in Spanish whenever she knows what to say. ("Sí", "gracias", "Buenas noches"). The waitress asks her if she speaks Spanish, and she replies, "Un poquito". She then asks me if I speak Spanish, and I say "Un poquito más que ella." Then she asks me in Spanish what I want to order, and my mind goes totally blank. I say "¿Cómo?", then she answers me in English. Why do I always get so nervous when I have to speak in Spanish? I knew she was asking me what I wanted to order. All I had to say was "un burrito con vegetales" or "un burrito con verduras". I have conversations with tutors and everything. What is the purpose of knowing that you can say "papel higiénico" if you need to ask for toilet paper (my friend needed this phrase) if you're not going to say it to someone?

I talk to myself

No, I am not crazy, but I talk to myself. I try to do it as much as I can. In the morning when I wake up, as I eat breakfast, picking out the clothes I want to wear, walking to the car. I am practicing my Spanish. How do I say "Yes, you can taste my cereal, mi hija", "Give me a hug before you leave", or "I need to remember to get gas for my car today"?

In my latest Spanish conversations, sometimes when I have to say something, I completely freeze up. My mind goes completely blank. I have absolutely nothing to say. I am pressuring myself to say the right words, in the right way. So this is why I am talking to myself now, trying to become even more used to speaking in Spanish.

Not sure if it will help or anything, but I figure it may be another thing to get me comfortable speaking in Spanish.

My first Spanish videoblogs

I want to talk in Spanish conversations, but am still very nervous when doing so. A friend from a language exchange suggested making videos of myself talking in Spanish as a bridge to real language conversations. I thought that was a great idea, so here are my first two videos.